After Celia and the group of angels told me that I was destined to become a guide and help people on Earth, I remember going back to the first home I built, the earthlike home. I sat on the couch and started to reflect on how my family was having a really hard time with my death. They were torn apart with so much grief that they couldn’t glue themselves back together. My mom and dad weren’t really talking, and nobody could understand everybody else’s feelings. I just wanted to know why. Why? Why did my path and separation have to create so much suffering?
That’s when God came to me.
No big aha or fireworks moment. It’s more like that’s when the voice inside me first connected with All That Is. As humans, when you sit down at a table and talk, you use your external voice and senses to connect, but when you talk to God, you hear a voice inside and outside you. It’s not like a tennis match where you bat a ball back and forth.
God, Source, Universe, All That Is—whatever name resonates most with you, really—helped me understand that, for people, the illusion of separation on Earth was just as powerful as their extreme moments of joy, that I should connect to this and allow it to be an experience that will create the result my family needed. I was trying to understand and resolve their pain, but God told me to only embrace it, that it was good stuff and something valuable would come out of it. And God was right; something important did come out of it.
I learned that God appears to us in the form we can connect to the most. I didn’t have that classic belief system of some man on a throne, so if that image had shown up to me, I would have thought it was bullshit. I would have preferred to see God as a hot woman, but I didn’t see it that way either. God doesn’t have a gender. It’s not male or female, but I’m going to refer to her as She because if I had to say, the voice I heard was more like a woman’s. It was very loving, very caring.
I didn’t see anyone walking on in, saying, “Hey, what’s up?” but I did see this fog—no, I don’t want to call it that. It was more like textured air. It was nice that She didn’t come to me looking like a human. God came to me in the form of pure light and energy, so it was kind of like, “You get it. You understand. This is the Truth.” God could have shown up as really anything: a telephone, a chair, a dog—anything I wanted Her to be. But what I wanted was truth, whatever that looked like.
In that “meeting,” I learned that God is the energy that creates and connects everything. She’s like a collective consciousness that’s coming from everywhere. She’s All That Is, and I feel a strong connection to Her. In that connection, there’s a voice or a way of communication that helped me see that God knows me, understands me, feels me and created me. Through that voice, I also got the key to understanding why I became who I am now. I gained this self-aware acceptance. All my veils had been taken off. Receiving God’s embrace, that heart consciousness embrace, gave me an awareness, not only of the value of pain but also the knowledge and information about my work that I couldn’t gain when I was separated from the whole.
That voice also explained to me the nature of my energetic self as a spirit—that I’m part of the wider collective energy of the universe. Not only am I part of that whole but I also am the whole in and of itself. I’m the whole enchilada and I’m one of its bites. Remember how I was explaining how time isn’t really a straight line but stacked and more like a ball of yarn? That’s kind of how energy works too. We’re all entwined, interconnected, and overlapping because we’re all made from the same stuff.
You know how I’d like to describe God? Think about time again. Imagine that every incarnation on Earth is represented by a book. (I’ll get to what this has to do with the description of God in a sec.) All the books are stacked on top of each other. Humans have only enough conscious awareness to concentrate on one page in one book at a time. That’s important because to have the human experience, you have to be in the now. You can’t have your head scattered in all directions, diluting the purpose of the life you’re living, but all your lives are happening at the same time. All the books stacked on top of one another exist all the time, and God is the book cover for those lives that kind of envelops and holds all the pages together—the glue, the stitching, and shit like that. So it’s not like you have to go far to step into that energy, but when you do step into it, you have this awareness of all your lives and all universal knowledge. It’s pretty cool. When I say “universal,” I’m not talking about the universe that humans live in. I mean all universes, all of reality and unreality. Everything.
The emotions that came over me in the presence of God were more awe inspiring than any experience I’ve ever felt. It was that bring-you-to- your-knees crying that filled my heart with a sense of wonder and love. It’s hard to describe because this is not something you could ever experience on Earth. I felt like a small baby being held by someone who loves me unconditionally, but that feeling was magnified infinitely. On Earth, that’s the closest you can get to God Energy, and I know I’ll always want more.
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